When the world is too much with me...

There comes a time when all you want to do is wander around aimlessly. When the world has bombarded you with so much information that you cannot distinguish your own thoughts from everybody else’s, all you want to do is stew in ignorance.

This is where I am right now. I just want to be in a state of perpetual unawareness.

I want to walk with a frown on my face without having somebody I know stop me and ask me what is wrong.

I want to be both forgotten and unknown.
I want to exist on my own terms.
I want to taste complete freedom and disregard the constraints of time.

Sometimes I don’t want to have intellectual conversations.

Sometimes I don’t want to philosophise about existence, being, and everything between.
Sometimes I just want to sit in my room for the better half of the year and drown in silence.
Sometimes I want to listen and never speak.
Sometimes I want to laugh at my own thoughts and not have the nagging fear of insanity shoulder itself between my ecstasy and content.
Sometimes I want to write and not be read.

*Most times I want to write and not be heard.

I need to make a decision without thinking of the consequences.

I need to dance like a hyena on crack and will myself into disappearance.
I need to pour salt into my orange juice and drink it like it is the best thing I have tasted since the rain.

Sometimes I want, need, to do these things to remind myself that I am alive. It’s a ridiculous list when analysed, but sometimes we need to tie a brick onto analysis and throw it into the Pacific. Sometimes, even if for a moment, we need to walk out of existence and sprint into life. Sometimes we need to know that our thoughts have authenticity. We need to remember that we can laugh and cry at the same time. We need to jump into the rabbit hole and see through the looking glass.

I want to be Alice.

I want to be in Wonderland.
I want to be reminded that there is more.
I want to find my imagination.
I want to create myself in my own image.
I want to believe.

I want to rid myself of the “I” and just be an entity in someone else’s fantasy.