The torture of owning a cell phone

I might be the only person alive in this day and age who absolutely hates cell phones. I cannot stand having one. It makes me nervous and I cannot come to terms with the fact that anyone can get in touch with me whenever they please.

Of course, I haven’t always been like this. I used to love my phone just as much as the next person. Some would even argue that I worshipped that beautiful piece of technology. But after a series of unfortunate events which left me without a phone more than once, I got used to just not having one. Yes, yes. Cue gasp. Shock. Horror. How dare I say such and such? Blasphemy. All of that and more. I really don’t care.

As impossible as it might be for you to believe, your reactions won’t change a single thing. I recently went two months without a cell phone and it was the happiest time of my life. I had no human being to answer to but myself. If I didn’t feel like seeing you, I simply wouldn’t call you. Imagine that freedom and self-ownership. Just…imagine. Imagine, I said!

And yes a few people were pissed off. And yes the family was vehemently against this bizarre behaviour, which I guess I can understand. It’s the 21^st century. The new world. The digital world. Blah, blah, blah. But I couldn’t be bothered. I can tell you right now that those 2 months were the happiest and most worry free months I’ve ever had the privilege of enjoying in more than 8 years.

I saw who I saw when I wanted to see them. I spoke to who I spoke to when I felt like speaking to them. Hell, I even thought about who I thought about only when I wanted to think about them –not because they sent me a text that I now have to reply to even though I don’t want to. It was great. Glorious. Magnificent.

And now it’s gone. And I am back to the torture of being under the curse of instant availability. So long, happy days. I’ve had this thing for less than a week and I’m absolutely miserable.

The Integrated Web Cam

The integrated web cam is the devil. This is a sentiment that very few are willing to express.

The devilish nature of the web cam is very well disguised. The prevalence of social networks has turned even the most self-conscious creatures into Tinkerbells who whisper “I do believe in photographs” while they lean into their laptops at just the right angle.

Photographs have taken over the world, yes. But that is neither here nor there. Believe it or not, the endless stream of badly photo shopped pouts and “peace” (I somehow believe that two fingers held up now represents something other than peace) signs is not the direct result of my above expressed sentiment.

I say that the web cam is the devil because I have been lured into its demented web of lucid obscurity. It is always looking you in the face. Unblinking. Waiting. Beckoning. From the moment you open your laptop to type that already late essay to the moment you take a break 20 minutes later –the web cam watches you. Lures you. Entices you. Teases you.

“Let’s have a silent conversation layered in false smiles and well constructed surprise photographs,” it whispers. It probes your wandering eye and, to the shock and abandon of your keyboard, binds you under an instant spell of self timed poses and hair flicks.

You cannot escape the integrated web cam. The integrated web cam will always find you.

The integrated web cam is a dangerous device that has the potential to bring diligence and focus to unforeseen ends. From what I have experienced, one hardly ever runs to their computer to take a picture or two. One usually has a camera for that.

One is overcome by the strong impulse to utilize the alluring web cam when one is seated in front of one’s laptop with a week’s worth of assignments to type up in 12 hours.

The integrated web cam blind sides you.

And because I am fast becoming aware that this is beginning to sound like a conspiracy theory, I will stop. But when you sit in front of that laptop with your eyes begging Qwerty to save them...remember this post.

Remember this post and look away from the sophisticated Cyclops.